I’d put these day back on replay and keep reliving it.
I don’t know how, why, or what happened but we somehow ended up in the parking lot.
Am I on your list this year, Santa?
I can hear the harsh whistling of the wind in my window, I can hear the arrogant rain on my roof, I can see the trees swaying to the wind like it’s about to bend. I can feel how fast my heart beats when I hear a crashing sound.
The typhoon is so scary. The rain is getting heavier and the wind is getting stronger every minute. All windows and doors are locked but I can hear how harsh the wind is. I can hear how strong it is, and it’s getting scarier every time. I cover my ears to prevent myself from hearing the crashing sound, I close my eyes to block seeing how this typhoon is damaging everything but it was never enough.
i’ve always been scared of the rain, wind, lighting and thunder. My worst nightmare is happening right now, and I don’t even know how I’m going to sleep tonight. It’s getting stronger now and I don’t know what to do, I’ve been hiding under my blankets all day. I am so close to crying because I’m so scared. Tell me that everything will be okay, Tell me that it will be over.
- Annabelle - A Rocket To The Moon
- You Found Me - They Fray
- You and I Both - Jason Mraz
- Sugar Town - Zooey Deschanel
- Try Hard - 5 Seconds Of Summer
- Ever Enough - A Rocket To The Moon
- Chocolate - The 1975
- Before The Worst - The Script
- Drunk - Ed Sheeran
- Flowers In Your Hair - The Lumineers
Songs I’ve been listening to nonstop for the past few days, since the sembreak started actually. October has finally ended and it has been a good month for me, can you believe the Luke and Calum finally followed me on twitter it’s surreal. By the way, this playlist is called pizza party for no apparent reason, probably because it’s a better term for sembreak.
You deserve to look in the mirror every morning and see someone that, though not perfect, isn’t trying to be. You deserve to walk past the billboards and commercials that show staged-and-Photoshopped images of what and who you are supposed to be and laugh at them, secure in the knowledge that you are wonderful because you are real. You could imagine that the models themselves must be so much greater in person when not reduced to a pose and a cheesy tagline—maybe they are at their most beautiful when just stepping out of the shower, hair still wet, and excited to go eat a good breakfast—but you don’t compare yourself to them. You deserve to love your body simply because it is yours, and it is capable of so much.
You deserve to look past whatever is displayed on the outside, whatever code lingers on your skin to be read by society and neatly organized into some compartment about who you “are”—fat, thin, ugly, tall, awkward—and be even more in love with what exists within you. Of course you may have moments in which you regret past mistakes, or dislike a character flaw that you know you need to work on, or feel the rope of maturity tugging at your ankle saying “Come on, catch up,” but it doesn’t define you. You deserve to appreciate all of the wonderful qualities you bring to the table, instead of relentlessly harping on yourself for the categories in which you fall just a tiny bit short.
You deserve to look for love, if that’s what you want, and be ready to accept it when it comes your way. You might find yourself overwhelmed and even briefly in disbelief when you realize that someone actually loves you for who you are and wants nothing more than to be with you, but you should be able to embrace that unconditional caring with your own. You should wrap your arms around them and cover them with your whole body—flesh, bone, the ugly little cracks and scars that they can’t stop kissing—and know that you are a good person, who is worthy of such joy. You deserve not to question every person who gives you a compliment or tells you that you’re wonderful, not to wonder if they have some ulterior motive, or if you are somehow the victim of an elaborate prank. You should realize that you are worth loving because you are ready to love back.
You deserve to go through your day and take in the good parts, breathe in the good air and appreciate the little things that too often go unnoticed. You should know that a strong flower growing in a city sidewalk, a child laughing and blowing bubbles, or strangers that smile at one another and mean it are all things worth loving, and which make your day a net positive. You deserve to live your life for the joys and not the frustrating slights that are out of your control—to be able to say that, because you held the door open for an older man with too many bags on his arms, your afternoon was good. Though the profound effect these tiny moments of happiness can have on all of us are often lost in the shuffle of life and its myriad injustices, you deserve to look at them and see them for the victories of compassion and simplicity that they are.
You deserve to try, and give it your all, but be okay if you fail. You deserve not to spend so much of your life berating yourself for not having been “good enough,” especially when you’re not even sure what “good enough” might entail. Your job might be strenuous, your classes impossible, but you deserve to be able to do your best work and, at the end of the day, put your pen down and sleep well. You deserve to have a personal best that is good enough for you, to not constantly feel as though you’re outrunning yourself with expectations, to the point of sapping the joy out of a hard day’s work.
You deserve to be truly happy for others. You deserve a life that is filled with its own successes and triumphs, that is carved out in the image you desire, and that is not effected by the perceived victories of others. Sometimes others may get things that we wanted for ourselves, but you deserve to be confident enough with your own life and journey that someone else’s achievement is not directly detrimental to your own desires. You deserve to see success not as some finite pie from which we must all take exactly one slice, but rather a constantly evolving and growing garden in which we can all flower and reach the sunlight.
Perhaps most of all, though, you deserve to be okay. You deserve to know that a day in which you can just barely get out of bed because you are sad, or sick, or simply not ready to see the outside is not the end of the world. You deserve to know that moments of weakness do not make you fundamentally weak, only fundamentally human, and that sometimes we’re not going to be effusively happy, and that is okay. You deserve to be happy just existing and not constantly holding yourself up to a standard of fake smiles and forced cheerfulness. You deserve to not beat yourself up when you do not reach perfect acceptance of your body, your personality, the love you receive, or anything else that may come your way. Though you should know that you are worthy of these things, learning to be happy just in a kind of stasis with yourself is a long process, and you should know that we are all working on it. You deserve to live through all of your emotions, all of your states of motivation, and know that as long as you are treating everyone with kindness (including yourself), you have nothing to be ashamed of."
We care too much of ourself, it’s becoming so selfish. When was the last time that we actually cared about rest of the world? Not just the world, but the people and everything in it. We have to care and pay attention because we are all a part of it, it is actually us who is building this world. We need to do things, not just caring about ourself and forgetting about the rest. There are things left to find, history to be made and people to be friends with but how can we do it if we just stay on bed all day? I know I’m not making myself clear but what I’m only saying is: There are more things to discover if we only start doing things.
- If You Ever Come Back - The Script
- Drunk - Ed Sheeran
- How To Save A Life - The Fray
- Terrible Things - Mayday Parade
- Stay - Mayday Parade
- The Paper Kites - Bloom
- Like We Used To - A Rocket To The Moon
- Nothing - The Script
- Asleep - The Smiths
Fantasy transports us to a world we want to live in and lose ourselves but when worst things happen, we are welcomed into the world of reality. Sometimes we wish not to deal with problems and rather pretend they don’t exist because reality is too painful.
It’s been almost 2 months without you and it’s getting harder everyday. But this is better than seeing you lying in the hospital room and watching you endure the pain. Seeing those needles and tubes into your body killed me. If I could just give you my life I would, I’d be willing to die and give up everything if that’s the only way to keep you alive. But I can’t.
It’s hard to grow up without a mother. I’m sorry for the things I did that made you mad, I’m sorry I didn’t follow you most of the time, I’m sorry I never had the chance to tell you I love you. I regret everything now. I just wish I knew if you forgave me or not. But thank you, thank you for everything. You were the best mother anyone could ever have, and we were lucky we had you.
Writing all these in past tense is killing me even more, and I don’t know how to stop these water from my eyes. Mom, if you’re reading this I just want you to know we love you and we miss you.